Navigating ‘Where Are You *Really* From?’: Conversations on Identity for British Indians

Young British Indian person thoughtfully considering their identity, with UK and Indian cultural symbols in background.
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Introduction: The Question That Follows Us Home

If you’re British Indian, you’ve heard it. Perhaps at a work conference, during a casual conversation at university, or even whilst queuing at the local shop. The question arrives with a particular cadence, often preceded by a pause that suggests the asker believes they’re about to uncover something profound: “But where are you really from?”

For many of us in the British Indian community—particularly those of us who are second, third, or later generations—this question carries a weight that extends far beyond simple curiosity. It’s a question that can simultaneously make us feel seen and invisible, acknowledged and othered, welcomed and perpetually foreign in the country we call home.

The emotions this question evokes are as varied as our community itself. Some of us respond with patience, understanding that genuine curiosity often drives the inquiry. Others feel a familiar tightening in the chest, a reminder that our Britishness is somehow always qualified, always requiring explanation or justification. Still others have learned to navigate these moments with grace, using them as opportunities for connection and education.

What remains constant, however, is the complexity of identity that this question reveals—not just for those who ask it, but for those of us who must answer it. We are British Indians living in a world that often struggles to understand that identity can be both singular and plural, rooted and expansive, traditional and contemporary all at once.

This exploration isn’t about finding the “right” way to respond to such questions, nor is it about dismissing the genuine curiosity that often motivates them. Instead, it’s about understanding the deeper conversations about belonging, identity, and home that these moments reveal. It’s about recognising that our experiences as British Indians offer unique insights into what it means to navigate multiple cultural contexts whilst maintaining a strong sense of self.

According to the most recent census data, there are over 1.4 million people of Indian heritage living in England and Wales, representing 2.5% of the total population. Of these, 42.9% were born in the UK, representing a significant and growing community of British-born Indians who have never known any other home. Yet the question persists, suggesting that our understanding of British identity continues to evolve.

The Intent vs. Impact: Understanding the Disconnect

To understand why “Where are you really from?” can be so loaded, we must first acknowledge the gap between intent and impact. Most people who ask this question aren’t setting out to make anyone feel unwelcome or foreign. They’re often genuinely curious about heritage, family history, or cultural background. Some may be seeking connection, hoping to share their own stories of migration or cultural identity. Others might simply be making conversation, unaware of the frequency with which this question is posed to people of colour.

However, the impact of this question often differs significantly from its intent. Research published in BMJ Open in 2023 examined the experiences of racially minoritised medical students in the UK, including their encounters with questions like “Where are you really from?” The study found that such questions regularly made students feel “uncomfortable and out of place,” creating a sense of being “perpetual outsiders” in their own country.

The word “really” is particularly significant here. It suggests that the initial answer—”I’m from Birmingham” or “I grew up in Leicester”—is somehow insufficient or inauthentic. It implies that there’s a more “real” answer waiting to be uncovered, one that presumably involves a different country, a different heritage, a different story than the one being told.

This linguistic choice, whether conscious or not, can feel like a gentle but persistent challenge to one’s British identity. It suggests that being British Indian is somehow less authentically British than other forms of British identity. For those of us who have never lived anywhere else, who support England in the World Cup, who queue politely and complain about the weather with the best of them, this implication can be particularly jarring.

The frequency of this question also matters. Whilst a white British person might occasionally be asked about their family’s regional origins or ancestral heritage, they’re unlikely to face regular questioning about their fundamental belonging in Britain. For British Indians, however, this question can become a recurring theme, a constant reminder that our place in British society is seen as somehow provisional or requiring explanation.

Dr. Nariell Morrison, lead author of the BMJ study, noted that participants described feeling they had their “guards up,” particularly at the start of new situations or environments. This represents what she termed “an additional burden that was not experienced by their white counterparts.” The cumulative effect of these interactions can be profound, creating a sense of hypervigilance and emotional labour that others simply don’t have to navigate.

Yet it’s important to recognise that not all such questions are created equal. Context matters enormously. A question asked by a colleague who’s sharing their own family’s migration story feels different from one posed by a stranger who seems surprised by your accent. A genuine inquiry about cultural traditions during a festival celebration carries different weight than a pointed question about your “real” nationality during a heated political discussion.

Understanding this disconnect between intent and impact doesn’t require us to assume malicious intent on the part of those who ask. Rather, it invites us to consider how we might bridge this gap through more thoughtful conversation and greater awareness of the experiences of British Indians and other minority communities.

Navigating Responses: The Art of Personal Choice

One of the most empowering realisations for many British Indians is that there’s no single “correct” way to respond to questions about our origins. Our responses can and should reflect our comfort level, the context of the conversation, our relationship with the person asking, and our own sense of how we want to engage in that particular moment.

Some of us choose the straightforward factual approach: “I was born in Manchester,” or “I grew up in Southall.” This response honours the literal truth of our experience whilst gently challenging the assumption that our Britishness requires further explanation. It’s a response that can be particularly effective when delivered with confidence and without defensiveness, allowing the conversation to either move forward naturally or prompting the questioner to be more specific about what they’re actually curious about.

Others prefer to probe the questioner’s intent before responding: “What makes you ask?” or “Are you asking about my heritage or where I was born?” This approach can be particularly useful because it often reveals whether the question stems from genuine curiosity, social awkwardness, or something more problematic. It also gives us information about how to tailor our response appropriately.

Many British Indians have found success in using these moments as opportunities for education and dialogue. “My family originally came from Punjab, but I was born here in Leeds. Are you interested in learning about Punjabi culture?” This approach acknowledges both aspects of our identity whilst maintaining control over the direction of the conversation. It can lead to genuinely enriching exchanges about culture, food, traditions, and shared experiences.

There are also times when deflection or redirection feels most appropriate. “Oh, I’m from all over really—what about you?” or “That’s quite a story—where did you grow up?” These responses acknowledge the question without necessarily providing the detailed answer the questioner might be seeking, whilst turning the conversation back to them. This can be particularly useful when we’re feeling tired, when the context doesn’t feel safe for deeper discussion, or when we simply don’t want to engage with the question at that moment.

Some British Indians have developed more creative responses that highlight the complexity of the question itself. “Well, I was born in the UK, my parents came from India, my grandparents lived through Partition, and my great-grandparents probably never imagined their descendants would be having this conversation in English in a British pub. Which part of that story interests you most?” This type of response can be both educational and gently challenging, highlighting the layers of history and identity that the simple question attempts to unpack.

It’s crucial to recognise that our choice of response can vary depending on numerous factors. The same person might respond differently on different days, in different contexts, or with different people. A response that feels empowering in one situation might feel exhausting in another. This variability isn’t inconsistency—it’s the natural result of being complex human beings navigating complex social situations.

The key is remembering that we have agency in these moments. We can choose to engage deeply or superficially, to educate or deflect, to challenge or accommodate. We can also choose to set boundaries: “I’d rather not get into family history right now, but I’d love to hear about your weekend plans.” These choices are all valid, and they’re all ours to make.

For younger British Indians who might be encountering these questions for the first time, it can be helpful to practice different responses and think about what feels authentic and comfortable. There’s no shame in taking time to formulate a response, and there’s no obligation to provide more information than we’re comfortable sharing.

Dual Heritage as Strength: Reframing the Narrative

Perhaps one of the most transformative shifts in how we approach questions about our identity is learning to reframe our dual heritage not as a complication to be explained, but as a strength to be celebrated. Being British Indian doesn’t mean we’re half of two things—it means we’re fully both, with all the richness, complexity, and advantage that this brings.

Research in multicultural psychology has increasingly recognised what many of us have long known intuitively: that navigating multiple cultural contexts develops sophisticated cognitive and social skills. We become adept at what researchers call “cultural code-switching”—the ability to move fluidly between different cultural norms, communication styles, and social expectations depending on the context.

This isn’t about hiding parts of ourselves or being inauthentic. Rather, it’s about having a rich repertoire of cultural tools and the wisdom to know when and how to use them. At a family gathering, we might speak in Hindi or Gujarati, follow traditional customs around respect for elders, and engage with cultural practices that have been passed down through generations. At work, we might adopt different communication styles, participate in different social rituals, and draw on different aspects of our knowledge and experience.

As Vaidehi Mujumdar wrote in The Guardian, “As I have grown to appreciate my intersectional identities, my code-switching has become more deliberate, to highlight, for example, the pronunciations of names and places in their proper tongue.” This deliberate code-switching becomes an act of cultural celebration rather than cultural hiding.

Our dual heritage also provides us with unique perspectives that can be invaluable in an increasingly globalised world. We understand both the importance of tradition and the necessity of adaptation. We can appreciate the value of community and family whilst also embracing individual achievement and personal growth. We can see issues from multiple cultural viewpoints, often making us natural bridge-builders and mediators.

In professional contexts, these skills are increasingly recognised as assets. British Indians are well-represented in leadership positions across various sectors, from business and technology to medicine and academia. According to recent research, 72% of British Indians are employed or self-employed—the highest employment rate among all ethnic groups in the UK. This success isn’t despite our dual heritage; it’s often because of the skills, perspectives, and resilience that navigating multiple cultural contexts has given us.

Our cultural fluency also extends to understanding nuance and context in ways that can be professionally and personally valuable. We’re often skilled at reading social situations, understanding unspoken expectations, and adapting our approach based on our audience. These are sophisticated interpersonal skills that serve us well in diverse environments.

Moreover, our connection to Indian culture provides us with access to one of the world’s oldest and richest philosophical, spiritual, and intellectual traditions. Whether we engage with concepts from yoga and meditation, draw inspiration from Indian literature and arts, or benefit from traditional approaches to health and wellness, we have cultural resources that can enrich our lives and the lives of those around us.

The food culture alone represents an extraordinary gift. British Indians have not only maintained connections to diverse regional Indian cuisines but have also created new fusion traditions that reflect our unique position. The fact that curry is now considered one of Britain’s national dishes speaks to how successfully our community has shared our cultural wealth with the broader society.

Our festivals and celebrations add colour and meaning to the British cultural calendar. Diwali celebrations in Leicester, Vaisakhi parades in Southall, and Holi festivals across the country have become community events that bring people together across cultural lines. We’ve enriched British culture whilst maintaining our own traditions.

Perhaps most importantly, our experience of successfully integrating multiple cultural identities provides a model for how diverse societies can function. In a world where cultural conflict often makes headlines, British Indians demonstrate daily that it’s possible to maintain strong cultural traditions whilst being fully integrated into British society. We prove that diversity and unity aren’t opposing forces—they can be mutually reinforcing.

The Evolving British Indian Identity: Generational Perspectives

The experience of being British Indian has evolved significantly across generations, and understanding these differences can help us appreciate both how far we’ve come and where we might be heading. Each generation has faced unique challenges and opportunities in defining what it means to be both British and Indian. This journey of identity is often an intergenerational one, building on the experiences of those who came before, a theme we explore further in our piece on Bridging Generations.

The first generation of Indian immigrants to Britain, particularly those who arrived in the 1950s and 1960s, often faced the challenge of establishing themselves in a society that was far less diverse than today’s Britain. They built the foundations of our community—establishing temples and gurdwaras, creating social networks, starting businesses, and maintaining cultural traditions in a new environment. Their focus was often on survival, success, and ensuring their children had opportunities they might not have had in India.

For this generation, questions about origin were often more straightforward to answer because their connection to India was direct and recent. They could speak with authority about specific villages, regions, and traditions. Their identity was often more clearly delineated: they were Indians living in Britain, maintaining strong connections to their homeland whilst building new lives in their adopted country.

The second generation—those born in Britain to immigrant parents—faced different challenges. They grew up navigating between the Indian culture of their homes and the British culture of their schools and social environments. For many, this created a sense of being caught between two worlds, never feeling fully accepted in either. Questions about their origins could feel particularly pointed because they highlighted this in-between status.

However, this generation also pioneered what we now recognise as the British Indian identity. They created new ways of being both British and Indian, developing cultural practices that honoured their heritage whilst embracing their British context. They became the first generation to truly embody the hyphenated identity, proving that it was possible to be authentically both.

Today’s third and fourth-generation British Indians often approach identity questions with greater confidence and clarity. Having grown up in a more diverse Britain, where multiculturalism is more widely accepted and celebrated, they’re more likely to see their dual heritage as an advantage rather than a complication. They’re also more likely to challenge assumptions embedded in questions about their origins.

This generational evolution is reflected in how we respond to identity questions. Younger British Indians are often more willing to push back against the implications of “Where are you really from?” They’re more likely to respond with questions of their own, to challenge assumptions, or to use these moments as opportunities for education about the complexity of modern British identity.

The confidence of younger generations has also been bolstered by increased representation in media, politics, and public life. When British Indians see themselves reflected in positions of leadership and influence—from Rishi Sunak as Prime Minister to Priyanka Chopra Jonas in entertainment—it reinforces the message that British Indian identity is not just accepted but celebrated.

Social media has also played a role in this evolution. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok have allowed British Indians to share their experiences, connect with others who share similar backgrounds, and create content that celebrates the complexity and richness of their identity. Hashtags like #BritishIndian and #DesiLife have created virtual communities where experiences can be shared and validated.

However, it’s important not to romanticise this generational progression. Each generation continues to face unique challenges. Younger British Indians might have more confidence in their identity, but they also face new pressures around authenticity—both from within the community and from outside it. They might be questioned about whether they’re “Indian enough” if they don’t speak heritage languages fluently, or “British enough” if they maintain strong cultural traditions.

The global context has also shifted. The rise of India as a major economic power has changed how Indian heritage is perceived internationally. Being connected to Indian culture now carries different connotations than it did in previous decades. This shift has generally been positive for British Indians, as it’s made Indian heritage something to be proud of rather than something to downplay.

Climate change, global migration, and technological connectivity have also created new contexts for understanding identity and belonging. Younger British Indians are growing up in a world where cultural mixing is increasingly common, where global citizenship is valued, and where traditional notions of national identity are being questioned and redefined.

Looking forward, it seems likely that future generations of British Indians will continue to evolve their understanding of identity in ways that reflect changing social, political, and cultural contexts. What remains constant is the fundamental truth that being British and Indian are not mutually exclusive—they are complementary aspects of a rich, complex, and valuable identity.

Building Resilience and Community: The Power of Shared Experience

One of the most powerful resources available to British Indians navigating questions about identity and belonging is the strength that comes from community and shared experience. When we connect with others who understand the nuances of our experience—who have faced similar questions, navigated similar challenges, and celebrated similar successes—we build resilience that serves us well beyond individual encounters.

The importance of community support cannot be overstated. Research consistently shows that individuals with strong community connections report higher levels of well-being, greater resilience in the face of discrimination, and more positive outcomes across various life domains. For British Indians, community connections provide validation, understanding, and practical support that can be difficult to find elsewhere.

These communities take many forms. Traditional community organisations like local Indian associations, religious institutions, and cultural centres continue to play vital roles in providing spaces where British Indians can connect with others who share their heritage. These organisations often serve multiple functions: they preserve and transmit cultural traditions, provide social support networks, offer practical assistance to community members, and create spaces where questions about identity and belonging can be explored in supportive environments.

Professional networks have also become increasingly important. Organisations like INSIGHT UK work to amplify the voices of British Hindu and Indian communities across various sectors, providing advocacy and support whilst challenging discrimination and promoting understanding. These networks offer mentorship opportunities, professional development resources, and platforms for addressing systemic issues that affect the community.

Digital communities have expanded the possibilities for connection and support. Online forums, social media groups, and virtual events allow British Indians to connect across geographic boundaries, sharing experiences and strategies for navigating identity questions. These platforms have been particularly valuable for those living in areas with smaller Indian populations, providing access to community support that might not be available locally.

The power of shared experience extends beyond formal community structures. Many British Indians find strength in informal networks—friend groups, family connections, and professional relationships with others who understand their experience. These relationships provide safe spaces to process difficult encounters, celebrate successes, and develop strategies for handling challenging situations.

Intergenerational dialogue within the community has also proven valuable. When older and younger British Indians share their experiences, they often discover both commonalities and differences that enrich everyone’s understanding. Older generations can share wisdom about resilience and adaptation, whilst younger generations can offer insights about changing social contexts and new strategies for asserting identity.

Community support also plays a crucial role in helping British Indians develop what psychologists call “cultural pride”—a positive sense of identification with one’s cultural heritage that serves as a protective factor against discrimination and prejudice. When we see our culture celebrated and valued within our community, it becomes easier to maintain confidence in our identity when facing challenging questions from outside the community.

The collective success of the British Indian community also provides a source of strength and pride. When we see British Indians excelling in various fields—from business and technology to arts and public service—it reinforces the message that our dual heritage is an asset rather than a liability. These success stories become part of our collective narrative, providing inspiration and evidence that British Indian identity is not just accepted but celebrated.

Community organisations have also played important roles in educating the broader British public about Indian culture and the experiences of British Indians. Through cultural festivals, educational programmes, and community outreach, these organisations help create greater understanding and appreciation for the diversity within British society. This work benefits not just the Indian community but all minority communities by promoting greater acceptance of multicultural identity.

Building resilience through community also involves developing collective strategies for responding to discrimination and prejudice. When community members share their experiences and strategies, it creates a knowledge base that benefits everyone. Someone who has developed an effective way of responding to identity questions can share that approach with others. Someone who has successfully challenged discrimination in a workplace can provide guidance to others facing similar situations.

The mental health benefits of community connection are particularly important. Research shows that individuals who feel connected to their cultural community report lower levels of anxiety and depression, even when facing discrimination or prejudice. The validation and understanding that comes from community connection can serve as a buffer against the negative psychological effects of being repeatedly questioned about one’s belonging.

For parents raising British Indian children, community connections provide crucial support in helping children develop positive cultural identity. When children see other families navigating similar challenges and celebrating similar traditions, it normalises their experience and provides models for how to embrace their dual heritage with confidence.

Conclusion: Owning Our Narrative, Embracing Our Complexity

As we conclude this exploration of identity, belonging, and the persistent question of where we’re “really” from, it’s important to return to a fundamental truth: British Indian identity is not a problem to be solved or a contradiction to be resolved. It is a rich, complex, and valuable way of being in the world that deserves to be celebrated, understood, and respected.

The question “Where are you really from?” will likely continue to be asked. Social change is gradual, and shifts in understanding take time to permeate through all levels of society. However, our response to this question—and our understanding of ourselves—has evolved significantly. We no longer need to choose between being British or Indian; we can confidently claim both identities as authentically and completely our own.

This confidence comes from recognising that identity is not a zero-sum game. Being deeply connected to Indian culture doesn’t make us less British. Speaking multiple languages doesn’t make us less articulate in English. Celebrating Diwali doesn’t make us less committed to British values. Maintaining family traditions doesn’t make us less integrated into British society. These are false dichotomies that we can reject with confidence.

Our dual heritage provides us with unique strengths and perspectives that benefit not just ourselves but the broader society. We are cultural bridge-builders, bringing together different ways of understanding the world. We are living examples of how diversity and unity can coexist. We are proof that Britain’s multicultural experiment is not just working but thriving.

When we own our narrative, we take control of how our story is told. Instead of allowing others to define what our identity means or implies, we can articulate for ourselves what it means to be British Indian. We can share the richness of our experience, the complexity of our heritage, and the strength that comes from navigating multiple cultural contexts.

This ownership also means recognising that we have choices in how we respond to questions about our identity. We can choose to educate or deflect, to engage deeply or superficially, to challenge assumptions or accommodate curiosity. These choices are ours to make based on our comfort level, the context of the situation, and our own sense of what feels right in the moment.

For those who ask the question “Where are you really from?”, we invite greater understanding and awareness. Consider what you’re really asking and why. Consider the frequency with which people of colour face this question and the cumulative impact it can have. Consider that British identity comes in many forms, and that someone’s accent, appearance, or name doesn’t determine their connection to Britain.

If you’re genuinely curious about someone’s heritage or cultural background, consider more specific and respectful ways to express that curiosity. “I’d love to learn more about your cultural background if you’re comfortable sharing” opens the door for conversation without making assumptions about belonging. “Your name is beautiful—does it have a special meaning?” shows interest without questioning authenticity.

For fellow British Indians, particularly those who are younger or newer to navigating these conversations, remember that your identity is valid exactly as it is. You don’t need to prove your Britishness or your Indian-ness to anyone. You don’t need to choose between different aspects of your heritage. You don’t need to make others comfortable with your complexity.

You have the right to define yourself on your own terms. You have the right to change how you identify or how you respond to questions about your identity. You have the right to be proud of all aspects of your heritage. You have the right to belong fully in British society whilst maintaining strong connections to Indian culture.

The future of British Indian identity looks bright. As our community continues to grow and evolve, as representation increases across all sectors of society, and as understanding of multicultural identity deepens, the questions we face about our belonging will likely become less frequent and less loaded. However, even if they persist, we can face them with confidence, knowing that our identity is not just valid but valuable.

We are British Indians. We are fully both. We are here to stay. And we are exactly where we belong.

Resources and Further Reading

For those interested in learning more about British Indian identity, community support, or related research, the following resources may be helpful:

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